The whistler

I worked in this place that looked professional when I had an interview there
but was actually pretty shit and lacking in resources,
which I came to realise once I started.
The printer broke and wasn’t fixed for months,
the phones never worked properly,
the manager had no boundaries whatsoever,
and would talk about her sex life
and make suggestions to other staff about how they could improve theirs.
I left after all the people I had some affinity with had left too.
I was growing more and more hateful
as new people started,
many of them Christians who talked incessantly about parenting tips
and how they went kayaking in the weekend with their children.
But asides from all these things,
one of the most irritating parts of the job
was a colleague who would whistle a lot of the time.
He wouldn’t whistle actual songs,
but random notes breathed out of pursed lips.
I really think it was to suggest friendly toughness
in the face of trying, stressful times.
It was fucking annoying.
I would take broken printers and phones
and even sex chat with any manager
over having to hear those tuneless half whistles
ever again.